I’ve been writing some helpful hints this week for my new job seeker’s video, and because I had a LOT of people approach me in the last week or so about jobs I’d advertised through the network.

I talk with demoralized job seekers every day who just wish someone would help them out. Often, in this vulnerable stage in life, they think: if someone asked me for help, I’d do it!

No, you wouldn’t actually. Don’t be offended, it’s just that most people are safely ensconced in their world, and often helping people is inconvenient and upsets the balance of things. If that wasn’t true, more people would be getting helped all the time.

Very few people (think Mother Theresa) are actually altruistic: they do things for no other reason than to do good. Most people in their day-to-day lives aren’t altruistic. That’s not necessarily bad news (unless you really need help or think more people should be altruistic), it’s just the truth about human nature.

The good news…

People do like to help – it makes them feel worthy and good. But to get them to help you’re going to have to make it worth their time. Get this now (last really hard news in this email) – it’s not their problem you don’t have a job. It’s not the government’s problem. It’s really only your problem. Regardless of what might have happened, how you’ve been treated, or any other things…it’s YOUR responsibility.

People will help you, and will help in ever-higher numbers if you will do three little things:

• Make them feel good – you’d be shocked at how often someone asks me to help them while managing to make me feel small, mean and obligated. It’s like when my girls were younger and one of them would do something to hurt the other, and I’d make them apologize, and they’d say, “Sooorrrryyyy” in such a whiny way that I knew they didn’t mean it. People often ask for help and make the other person FEEL BAD. What on earth makes them think that method will actually get them help?If you obligate another person when they’re not really willing; if your entire conversation is about your need, never their situation; if you ask in a way that makes them feel guilty if they don’t help; if you make them feel bad because you feel bad; then you will rarely get people to act on your behalf.
• Make it risk free - people want me all the time to recommend them to managers I’m working with. And I will, but think about it…my obligations are numerous: to the manager, the company, other candidates in the process…heck, even my family is at risk if I recommend someone who can’t do the work.There IS risk in someone recommending you for a job in their company, or giving you information you can use to go around HR. That means you have to appreciate those risks and allow for them. Ignore or ridicule them and you’ll be asking but not getting. A lot.
• Make it easy – people without jobs often forget how busy life is when you’re putting in 8-10 hours a day. Honestly, I have clients who go back to work and are depressed after a few weeks on the job because it takes so MUCH out of them!

So if you want help from someone you better make it easy. YOU figure out what you most need and how to make it simple for someone. If you think there might be some objections, you’d better think about them up front and figure out how to deal with them. Then when you ask, be direct and make it quick.

People love to help as long as it doesn’t COST them very much…understanding that, mitigating the issues and really focusing on the problem (like we discussed last email) going in will make it simpler for them, and get you more help.

If you haven’t watched my new video on how to get help when you apply for a job – go now.