Last time I wrote about how our own limited perspectives and beliefs become cages that hold us back from our true potential.

Like some tired lion we live in these too-small places, vaguely yearning to be free, but never seeing how easily
we could get out.

Sometimes we see how flimsy other people’s cages are, but we usually think the walls of our specific cage are built out of triple-welded steel bars. The truth is many of them are pretty flimsy, and often the corners are barely held together with little knots of brittle old twine. You could take a sharp fingernail and unravel most of them…a little effort and the cage that’s holding you in would fall flat around you.

Client #67 found the knots in her job search. Wouldn’t try to escape, but fought like she was possessed over whether what I was teaching would work, why she had to do it my way, yadda yadda yadda…in the end she flexed her little paws, did a little scratching, and (presto!) now she’s out.

(BTW – I don’t call her client 67 out of any disrespect, just that I’m doing taxes right now and realized that over the last year – my first full-time year as a coach – I got to serve 67 wonderful clients. An astonishing number for any new coach, and one I’m proud of. I’m even more proud that most of those clients have been willing to take the blinders off, do a little work and are back at work.)

Her story –

Two months ago she sat with me in Starbucks, droning on (yes, you were droning…) about how awful the market is, how she’s getting older, how maybe she made this mistake or that mistake, or maybe her occupation just isn’t respected or needed…maybe she should move out of state. Took her two months to decide to hire me and I almost didn’t work with her she was so negative about trying anything.

Today she emailed me for advice on how to handle two competing offers. She thinks one (at $120k plus benefits and bonuses) problably isn’t big enough. The other one has the potential to go to $145…or higher, but there’s some risk involved.

Tough decision, I know…

I’m not sure she realizes yet what little, tiny knots were holding her back, or even how she got out. Heck, knowing her, she’s probably still mad about the money she spent to get those knots out (more about that later).

Her knots are like most people’s…

Knot #1: It’s about me.

Dale Carnegie said it a hundred years ago in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Heck, it’s an entire chapter in one of the best-selling self help books of all time: “No one cares about your product. They only care about themselves. If you can’t relate their product to their needs, in their terms, you’re not going to get anywhere.”

Most people can’t do that. They THINK they can and are, but they are most certainly not. Pretty simple to learn with repetition and an observant coach to help, but most people are in a cage that’s held together, in part, by little strings of unwillingness to see how to communicate from the OTHER guy’s perspective.

Client #67 learned how to turn everything around to a hiring manager’s perspective and almost instantly got more hits…on LinkedIn, on her resume, on her outbound emails to hiring managers.

Knot #2: I feel bad tooting my own horn.

Egads…not that! Well, if you are tooting your own horn like a used car salesman, then yes, you should feel bad. That kind of marketing isn’t effective and does make you feel foolish. But there are literally thousands of ways to market better than that. And ALL of them involve telling the truth about yourself, both good and bad. If you’re not comfortable saying what you can do well, then you are probably SOL.

Client #67 didn’t have this problem, but she also wasn’t doing it right. The only legitimate way to do toot your own horn is AFTER you take Knot #1 into consideration.

Toot your own horn in a way that’s of benefit to the other person, and it’s no longer called tooting. It’s called helping.

Knot #3: I shouldn’t do anything unprofessional.

Lord…what a bunch of weenies Americans are today. We want so much, but are trained over time that it’s our duty to stand still, stay in line and wait our turn. How’s that working for you?

If salespeople or recruiters or marketers sat and waited, they’d make more money sweeping floors.

Client #67 didn’t think it would be ok to “bug” people more than once or twice about a job. Once she untied that knot the floodgates opened. More importantly, her hope, vitality and self-confidence returned almost instantly.

Knot #4: I can’t afford it.

An old boss used to say, “A carburator is expensive…unless the car won’t start.”

I used to think coaching was expensive. The first guy I hired charged $950 per month. The first time I paid him I had to think really hard about how I’d explain it to my wife. But then in the very first week, he freed me from severe anxieties that were literally killing my productivity. Once I saw them, I realized I could have changed on my own, but until that moment, I hadn’t.

Client #67 fought and scratched and (frankly) got a hell of a good deal with me. In the end she spent about .7% of the offer that she’ll probably end up turning down because it’s not good enough. .7% for two offers and some effort (and yes, you did work hard and do what I told you to…kudos to you!)

Tired of being in your cage, lion?

Tiny little knots are holding you in. Knots in your head.

(My main knot-untying program kicks off again April 8 – see here)